No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

James Bond—the personification of suave, sexy, sophistication and a lethal repertoire. I’ve seen every Bond movie made. I have the complete Bond collection from Sean Connery to Pierce Brosnan on DVD. I have yet to include any of the Bond movies starring Daniel Craig, with the exception of Skyfall, in my collection simply because I feel no of them deserve the title of James Bond.

Daniel Craig’s Bond is more a bland Jason Bourne than a world experienced charmer like James Bond. Skyfall surprised me in that it had more of the character of Bond than I had ever seen in any of his films. He started to feel like James so I was excited when I saw the trailers for Spectre. Alas, the fucking trailer was far superior to the actual damn movie.

Spectre was a 2 1/2 hour bore that mashed several of Connery’s original films into a modern take. Spectre, the evil organization, is about being the seminal arch nemisis to the double O program and is classic bond. But in this movie, it’s all about sibling hatred (albeit foster sibling hatred). WTF?

What starts out as a pretty good opening, cascades quickly into a boring ass dribble that had me looking at my watch too many times to see how long I’d been stuck in this seat. All the action and intrigue of the movie can be seen in the trailer. That’s it. There’s nothing else there. Everything else on the screen was drivel from a psychologist session. How disappointing.

Another disappointment was the waste of Monica Bellucci as some throw away quickie. How could you waste such a beautiful woman like Monica Bellucci and not fully integrate her as an romantic interest to Bond or even as a femme fatale? Shameful and deceptive. Bond’s main love interest is the French actress Léa Seydoux who I never heard of until this film.

An odd pairing with no chemistry (although let’s be real, Daniel Craig has had no chemistry with any of his female leads and comes off like he is repulsed by them which is really crazy because in reality he’s married to the beautiful Rachel Weisz and before that involved with another beautiful woman named Satsuki Mitchell. He should bring whatever real-life charm he has into his acting, whatever the hell that is.) Léa seems more like his little sister than a love interest and I never quite understand how she falls for him.

One of the bright spots for me was Dave Bautista’s turn as the second main villain Mr. Hinx (an Oddjob knockoff). He was by far the most interesting character in the movie. But they failed to expound on who he was. I mean he didn’t even have any lines save one. Again, such a wasted opportunity as was Christoph Waltz. Uninteresting and came off like a parody of Mike Myers’s Mr. Evil. They even got the scar in at the end. Fucking stupid.

With all the rumors about Craig not wanting to do Bond anymore and his supposed lack of movie promotion, his zombie performance in Spectre seemed to give credibility to those rumors. I, for one, would welcome a new actor to take on the mantle of James Bond with a new writing team to develop original adventures for James instead of the Hollywood retread method. One of the longest running movie franchises, Hollywood seems hellbent on giving James Bond a very undignified death.


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